Mad at Dad?

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/29/mad-at-dad/

Motherlode is a parenting blog at the NY Times that I read on a daily basis. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's thought-provoking. Usually, the most entertaining part are the comments that people leave about the blog itself. Today's blog posting, though, left me speechless.

The gist of the posting is that some women are apparently really angry at their husbands or fathers of their children for some very interesting reasons. Basically it boils down to the fact that as a general rule, moms take a LOT of minutiae on their plates. Things like the children's shoe size, next PTA meeting, soccer schedules, and please bring a nut-free, wheat-free dish" to the work potluck next week. All this on top of the normal "mom" duties like home responsabilities and work deadlines apparently creates for some super cranky people. Apparently, moms get VERY angry, one might even say, apoplectic at their significant others for "not noticing" that things need doing. For example, dishes in the sink or that the baby needs changing.

Of course there are exception to this, husbands and boyfriends who do the calendaring, shuttling, and potluck duties, as well as working on the laundry, dusting, and dirty dishes. After reading the comments, I wonder if this "anger" doesn't simply boil down to a lack of communication. After all, men are problem-solvers by nature. They tend to look at problems and offer solutions. So I have to think that if these moms presented the husbands with the problems in an open forum, surely a compromise could be reached.

In my case, I have no problems taking on the responsability for the child (soon to be children) because that is simply the easiest way to do it. Why should he have to remember the things that I just have stored away? It would be silly to invest his time and brain matter into handling something I've already got. Men aren't mind-readers. Chances are he probably doesn't see the dishes in the sink or the baby's dirty diaper because he's fully engrossed in whatever task is currently at hand. (More nature of the beast commentary; excuse the generalizations here, women multi-task well; men work on one task well.) One would think that if a mom simply brought the situation to the man's attention, it would be rectified. If not, perhaps there is more going on here than just what's on the surface.

I guess I must just be lucky to have a husband who actually knows that I have all these things in my head bouncing around and makes sure to tell me that he notices them and how much he appreciates it.

8 Kids? Really?

Is it just me or does anyone else think this is a really creepy idea? I totally understand that parents don't want to use selective reduction to eliminate the number of embryos already implanted and that the whole point of fertility treatments is to hyper-stimulate the ovaries. Then docs implant mulitple fertilized embryos at once to increase the chances of implementation in one attempt, rather than another round of IVF, but OMG. If humans were supposed to have litters, we would have been blessed with more than two nipples. Plus these children, being born 9 weeks early, though they seem to be doing well now, are at higher risk for a whole host of developmental delays and are certain to be spending a huge amount of time (read $$$$) in the NICU. I mean, the mom hasn't even been able to see her children yet. Honestly, I think this might be one of those cases where science may have progressed further than our ability to process the consequences of our actions.

Don't get me wrong, I wish this mom and new family, the best of everything. Any life is precious and should be celebrated with joy at the new potential that has been brought into our world. I pass no judgment on her choices, because I'm not in her shoes. It will be so hard for her to bond with those children and I can only imagine the challenges they will face. I'm positive like other good parents, these parents will love and adore each child, and they will face unique difficulties and also experience immense joy and pleasure at being parents to miracle children. My comments are mostly directed at the level to which we as a nation and I suppose, western society have gone to allow as many women as possible to give birth. While this is a laudable goal, maybe not everyone was supposed to be a genetic parent. Maybe I can say this, having given birth to one child, and will be repeating the performance shortly; but this seems like to me to be about a step over that line that maybe is too far. Shouldn't we be considering the resources of the parents and family before proceeding with this? I know that Lansinoh is donating a breast pump and a year's worth of freezer bags (how do you breast-feed octuplets anyway?), and I'll bet the formula and diaper companies will step up too. But once the babies aren't so cute and cuddly anymore, what happens when these kids have to go to doctor's visits and pay ($25 a pop for a co-pay) and needs braces? Shopping for that many school clothes and that much food at wal-mart would probably exceed my annual salary in a few months. So having said all that, I repeat, I'm sure these challenges will be met by the family and the community, but I just would really like not to forget the more than 100,000 kids in the U.S. who are older than 5 and are in desperate need of forever families. No, they aren't perfect like the newborns in this hospital, and yes they come with challenges and heartaches, just like any parent knows is down the line.

I just wish our society would treat our kids in foster care and protective custody with the same level of love and admiration that we treat newborn multiple families. I wish we could see profiles of good kids in need of good homes on the news like I saw the first Octuplets who live in Chicago on the Today Show this morning. I know some fabulous, funny, talented, and troubled kids here in Clark County that need parents too!!!

Inspired Today!!

"Our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint."

I know I haven't posted anything in a very long time. Chalk it up to work and family during the holidays, oh that and new baby girl set to arrive in June. So I was at work this morning watching the Obama inauguration. Just yesterday (on my day off for MLK day) I found myself somewhat annoyed that EVERY SINGLE CHANNEL was Obama/MLK 24/7. I mean, yes I voted for Obama, but I'm not sure I needed to know EVERY little tidbit and trivia about the Obamas. Though I do sort of get it now, after watching some footage on past presidents and civil rights leaders. Apparently, it has been a really long time since any one person has inspired as much hope and faith in ourselves and our future than Obama.

I watched the inauguration on cnn.com which had a link in to facebook, where people were updating their comments based on what was happening. I saw a lot of people saying how proud they were to be American today. I had to agree with them. I personally couldn't care less what color our president is. Be he black, white, "mellow-yellow", or purple with zebra stripes (my personal favorite), when he read the comments above in his speech, I really did feel tears start to come.

I've felt for a long time that a large portion of the world perceives the US as a big bully. I doubt this is the intention of our government, but having lived overseas, it is definately how it looks. I was never more proud of my nation when our President today said the equivalent of "Might Doesn't Make Right." Right makes Might, and even then we go forward with "humility and restraint." I hope that is truly the policy that comes out over the next 4 years. We just might have a hope after all of establishing our moral authority in the rest of the world.

So the question du jour seems to be "Is the dream of MLK fulfilled now that we have elected a black president?" After much pondering, I say, it is not necesarily fulfilled in a single man, but boy are we a heck of lot further closer to the mountaintop today. I can say that I am happy today because I can point to a biracial president and tell my children (who are bi-racial too) that there is still prejudice and hatred in this world, but YOU can accomplish anything in your life that you choose to. I am grateful to all the fighters of prior eras, those who fought for civil rights for any minority who didn't have them, including racial and gender minorities. I am grateful for my right to vote and that in some very small way, I was part of this day. Obama was my choice.

Maternity Leave - Did you know?

Give birth to a baby in France and you can count on at least 16 weeks of paid leave to cuddle and bond. Have a child in Norway and you get 42 weeks at full pay. Sweden promises 390 days at 80 percent of your salary. So how much paid leave does Uncle Sam guarantee America's moms? Try zero, zip, zilch.

That's right, the United States may be the world's richest nation, but we're also one of only 5 out of 174 that don't mandate any paid maternity leave. Three others are poor countries (Papua New Guinea, Swaziland, and Lesotho); the fourth, Australia, at least guarantees a full year of unpaid leave, plus a small lump-sum payment to all new mothers. We can't even match that: The U.S. Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) merely requires employers to offer 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave, and the rule applies only to companies with 50 or more workers.

And what does it say when we have the VP candidate of the United States who has a baby and goes back to work three days later? I appreciate her dedication to her job and her wish to not be seen in the dog-eat-dog world of politics as more of a liability than a man, but when the rest of us ground-level moms are having to fight for every minute we can of even unpaid leave, and to ensure our jobs are there when we get back, I'm not sure it gives us moms begging for some leave a proverbial leg to stand on. I would love to work part time and be able to stay at home more with my son. Unfortunately, that's just not possible if I want to get our rent, power, gas, grocery bill, and car payments paid. When Xavier was born, I took 9 weeks of leave. I got paid for 6 weeks of short-term disability at 60% of my pay. Though to be honest, I had to jump through so many hoops and fill out so much paperwork it almost wasn't worth it. I got a lump sum check two days before I went back to work.

So maybe I should have a child in Norway or Australia? Sad that the country of my birth is not at all interested in encouraging moms to be at home with their children at the levels of the rest of the developed world. I wonder where the priorities really are.

Since I minored in Economics

After the recent tethering-on-the-edge-of-total-economic-and-financial-meltdown couple of weeks it seems economic systems and their workings have pushed their way into the need-to-know-category.
Well, thanks to a friend from rural Ireland we can now simplify this all down to what makes sense and explain 21 economic models with cows. It is remarkable how much sense it all makes from this real world perspective ;-) SOCIALISM You have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRACY You have 2 cows.The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away... TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows.You sell one and buy a bull.Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.You sell them and retire on the income. SURREALISM You have two giraffes.The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows.You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows.You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows.You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows.You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows.You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows.You count them and learn you have five cows.You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows.You have 300 people milking them.You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows.You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows.Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.You tell them that you have none.No-one believes you, so they bomb the sh#t out of you and invade your country.You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy... AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows.Business seems pretty good.You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows.The one on the left looks very attractive..

Immigration and Reverse Psychology

From the MANITOBA HERALD
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
The possibility of a McCain/Palin election is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly. Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?" In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk." Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though." When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the McCain administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves from airplanes, deny evolution, and act out drills preparing them for the Rapture. In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said. Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history and English majors does one country need?"

Stupid Skateboarders

So here's my grump for today. Why do people have to drive so fast down the street I live on? Is there a particular reason that it is necesary to drive 50 mph down a residential street? I realize that it is a looooong street and clearly wherever you are trying to go is important, but there are a lot of children and pets that play on this street. A delay of maybe a minute is really not that big of a deal. I am consistently surprised by the speed at which drivers are going down a residential street where you really should not be driving any faster than 25 mph, 15 would be better. Seriously, people will tailgate like 3 feet from my bumper when I drive home and then will swerve around me and zoom down the road, flipping me off in the process. Ask Jane, they did it to her too! Fine, man, you go on driving like a madman and run over someone's pet, or Heaven forbid, hit someone's child. I personally prefer being a teeny bit more cautious. Now before you get the wrong idea that I'm objecting to driving fast, let me disabuse you of that idea. I'm all for driving fast, I do whenever I can borrow a car that goes more than 45 mph in fourth gear. But I don't do it when there are houses and people who live in them within a step or two of my high velocity vehicle. Honestly, it frightens me that Xavier might be riding his bike someday and some psycho speed demon comes racing on by.

And along the same lines, what is with the group of teenagers who ride their skateboards in the middle of the road, clearly taking their lives into their own hands by being in the middle of the road and not paying any attention to the aforementioned speeding vehicles. Let me set the stage for you. I'm driving down the street on my way home at my usual 25 mph, so I see these guys in their stupid skinny jeans and shaggy haircuts (WTF?) riding their boards dead center in the middle of the street. I know they saw me because it took me a good 60 seconds to get to their location. I actually had to come to a complete stop and honk at these punks to get them to move out of the road so I could continue on home. Seriously, do you have no brain at all? I am happy they have a hobby that keeps them close to home, I am a parent too after all. But is it possible to remind these stupid little punks that they are playing in a ROAD WHERE CARS DRIVE and they do need to yield that right of way to a car. I hate to think what would happen if one of those speedster cars came racing around the road with far less notice than me and hit a kid. SLOW DOWN PEOPLE! Its just not worth the minute of time you might pick up. Really.