Mad at Dad?

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/29/mad-at-dad/

Motherlode is a parenting blog at the NY Times that I read on a daily basis. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's thought-provoking. Usually, the most entertaining part are the comments that people leave about the blog itself. Today's blog posting, though, left me speechless.

The gist of the posting is that some women are apparently really angry at their husbands or fathers of their children for some very interesting reasons. Basically it boils down to the fact that as a general rule, moms take a LOT of minutiae on their plates. Things like the children's shoe size, next PTA meeting, soccer schedules, and please bring a nut-free, wheat-free dish" to the work potluck next week. All this on top of the normal "mom" duties like home responsabilities and work deadlines apparently creates for some super cranky people. Apparently, moms get VERY angry, one might even say, apoplectic at their significant others for "not noticing" that things need doing. For example, dishes in the sink or that the baby needs changing.

Of course there are exception to this, husbands and boyfriends who do the calendaring, shuttling, and potluck duties, as well as working on the laundry, dusting, and dirty dishes. After reading the comments, I wonder if this "anger" doesn't simply boil down to a lack of communication. After all, men are problem-solvers by nature. They tend to look at problems and offer solutions. So I have to think that if these moms presented the husbands with the problems in an open forum, surely a compromise could be reached.

In my case, I have no problems taking on the responsability for the child (soon to be children) because that is simply the easiest way to do it. Why should he have to remember the things that I just have stored away? It would be silly to invest his time and brain matter into handling something I've already got. Men aren't mind-readers. Chances are he probably doesn't see the dishes in the sink or the baby's dirty diaper because he's fully engrossed in whatever task is currently at hand. (More nature of the beast commentary; excuse the generalizations here, women multi-task well; men work on one task well.) One would think that if a mom simply brought the situation to the man's attention, it would be rectified. If not, perhaps there is more going on here than just what's on the surface.

I guess I must just be lucky to have a husband who actually knows that I have all these things in my head bouncing around and makes sure to tell me that he notices them and how much he appreciates it.

8 Kids? Really?

Is it just me or does anyone else think this is a really creepy idea? I totally understand that parents don't want to use selective reduction to eliminate the number of embryos already implanted and that the whole point of fertility treatments is to hyper-stimulate the ovaries. Then docs implant mulitple fertilized embryos at once to increase the chances of implementation in one attempt, rather than another round of IVF, but OMG. If humans were supposed to have litters, we would have been blessed with more than two nipples. Plus these children, being born 9 weeks early, though they seem to be doing well now, are at higher risk for a whole host of developmental delays and are certain to be spending a huge amount of time (read $$$$) in the NICU. I mean, the mom hasn't even been able to see her children yet. Honestly, I think this might be one of those cases where science may have progressed further than our ability to process the consequences of our actions.

Don't get me wrong, I wish this mom and new family, the best of everything. Any life is precious and should be celebrated with joy at the new potential that has been brought into our world. I pass no judgment on her choices, because I'm not in her shoes. It will be so hard for her to bond with those children and I can only imagine the challenges they will face. I'm positive like other good parents, these parents will love and adore each child, and they will face unique difficulties and also experience immense joy and pleasure at being parents to miracle children. My comments are mostly directed at the level to which we as a nation and I suppose, western society have gone to allow as many women as possible to give birth. While this is a laudable goal, maybe not everyone was supposed to be a genetic parent. Maybe I can say this, having given birth to one child, and will be repeating the performance shortly; but this seems like to me to be about a step over that line that maybe is too far. Shouldn't we be considering the resources of the parents and family before proceeding with this? I know that Lansinoh is donating a breast pump and a year's worth of freezer bags (how do you breast-feed octuplets anyway?), and I'll bet the formula and diaper companies will step up too. But once the babies aren't so cute and cuddly anymore, what happens when these kids have to go to doctor's visits and pay ($25 a pop for a co-pay) and needs braces? Shopping for that many school clothes and that much food at wal-mart would probably exceed my annual salary in a few months. So having said all that, I repeat, I'm sure these challenges will be met by the family and the community, but I just would really like not to forget the more than 100,000 kids in the U.S. who are older than 5 and are in desperate need of forever families. No, they aren't perfect like the newborns in this hospital, and yes they come with challenges and heartaches, just like any parent knows is down the line.

I just wish our society would treat our kids in foster care and protective custody with the same level of love and admiration that we treat newborn multiple families. I wish we could see profiles of good kids in need of good homes on the news like I saw the first Octuplets who live in Chicago on the Today Show this morning. I know some fabulous, funny, talented, and troubled kids here in Clark County that need parents too!!!

Inspired Today!!

"Our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint."

I know I haven't posted anything in a very long time. Chalk it up to work and family during the holidays, oh that and new baby girl set to arrive in June. So I was at work this morning watching the Obama inauguration. Just yesterday (on my day off for MLK day) I found myself somewhat annoyed that EVERY SINGLE CHANNEL was Obama/MLK 24/7. I mean, yes I voted for Obama, but I'm not sure I needed to know EVERY little tidbit and trivia about the Obamas. Though I do sort of get it now, after watching some footage on past presidents and civil rights leaders. Apparently, it has been a really long time since any one person has inspired as much hope and faith in ourselves and our future than Obama.

I watched the inauguration on cnn.com which had a link in to facebook, where people were updating their comments based on what was happening. I saw a lot of people saying how proud they were to be American today. I had to agree with them. I personally couldn't care less what color our president is. Be he black, white, "mellow-yellow", or purple with zebra stripes (my personal favorite), when he read the comments above in his speech, I really did feel tears start to come.

I've felt for a long time that a large portion of the world perceives the US as a big bully. I doubt this is the intention of our government, but having lived overseas, it is definately how it looks. I was never more proud of my nation when our President today said the equivalent of "Might Doesn't Make Right." Right makes Might, and even then we go forward with "humility and restraint." I hope that is truly the policy that comes out over the next 4 years. We just might have a hope after all of establishing our moral authority in the rest of the world.

So the question du jour seems to be "Is the dream of MLK fulfilled now that we have elected a black president?" After much pondering, I say, it is not necesarily fulfilled in a single man, but boy are we a heck of lot further closer to the mountaintop today. I can say that I am happy today because I can point to a biracial president and tell my children (who are bi-racial too) that there is still prejudice and hatred in this world, but YOU can accomplish anything in your life that you choose to. I am grateful to all the fighters of prior eras, those who fought for civil rights for any minority who didn't have them, including racial and gender minorities. I am grateful for my right to vote and that in some very small way, I was part of this day. Obama was my choice.