Mad at Dad?

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/29/mad-at-dad/

Motherlode is a parenting blog at the NY Times that I read on a daily basis. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's thought-provoking. Usually, the most entertaining part are the comments that people leave about the blog itself. Today's blog posting, though, left me speechless.

The gist of the posting is that some women are apparently really angry at their husbands or fathers of their children for some very interesting reasons. Basically it boils down to the fact that as a general rule, moms take a LOT of minutiae on their plates. Things like the children's shoe size, next PTA meeting, soccer schedules, and please bring a nut-free, wheat-free dish" to the work potluck next week. All this on top of the normal "mom" duties like home responsabilities and work deadlines apparently creates for some super cranky people. Apparently, moms get VERY angry, one might even say, apoplectic at their significant others for "not noticing" that things need doing. For example, dishes in the sink or that the baby needs changing.

Of course there are exception to this, husbands and boyfriends who do the calendaring, shuttling, and potluck duties, as well as working on the laundry, dusting, and dirty dishes. After reading the comments, I wonder if this "anger" doesn't simply boil down to a lack of communication. After all, men are problem-solvers by nature. They tend to look at problems and offer solutions. So I have to think that if these moms presented the husbands with the problems in an open forum, surely a compromise could be reached.

In my case, I have no problems taking on the responsability for the child (soon to be children) because that is simply the easiest way to do it. Why should he have to remember the things that I just have stored away? It would be silly to invest his time and brain matter into handling something I've already got. Men aren't mind-readers. Chances are he probably doesn't see the dishes in the sink or the baby's dirty diaper because he's fully engrossed in whatever task is currently at hand. (More nature of the beast commentary; excuse the generalizations here, women multi-task well; men work on one task well.) One would think that if a mom simply brought the situation to the man's attention, it would be rectified. If not, perhaps there is more going on here than just what's on the surface.

I guess I must just be lucky to have a husband who actually knows that I have all these things in my head bouncing around and makes sure to tell me that he notices them and how much he appreciates it.